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| Pirate Positions Registration | |
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+29TrillionTrillaTunka Kamina Newton Nettai Anyanka Masayoshi Vin Laplace Bones! Eden D. Scythe Ginjo Kaido Yami Draco D. Killdread Ser Random Radley Prankster Succubus Blake Kitteh Mari Kuribayashi Tsarna Vephist D. Yhs Tymee Alpha Aika Seiren Heartsmith Ninth_Horseman Phoenix D. Jack Hiroko Lucky Wilshire Azure Snow Destiny 33 posters | |
Author | Message |
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Vephist D. Yhs
Position : Shichibukai Posts : 139
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Gravity Fruit Skill 2: Yhs Kenjutsu Skill 3:
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Sat Aug 22, 2015 5:26 pm | |
| Crew: N/A Position: Shichibukai Tier: 1 Activity: All day all night (seriously, I'm online most of the time) Why: Vephist D. Yhs is walking around the world with a god, king and messiah complex. He believes himself to stand above all humans and because of his enormous power that lies within his Gravity devil fruit, the World Government inquired whether Vephist would like to take one of the seven seats of the Oka Shichibukai. Because of this position, Vephist is allowed to do whatever he wants but with óne condition: he would have to help the World Government out the same way in One Piece the Shichibukai fought on the Navy's side during the Marineford War. Note: - Should I be granted this position, I would like to bump Vephist's age and height/weight up. - In the sample, I will use equipment and devil fruit abilities even if they are not approved yet at the registration section. I hope that is alright. Sample: - 1642 Words:
''Stay quiet and kneel son..''
''But.. dad..!''
''NOW!''
As the merchant, father of a five-year old son ordered his son to kneel and stay quiet, one of the Royal Seven Warlords of the Sea had arrived in town. The stories they heard about this pirate.. He knew that if they didn't stay quiet and kneeled before him Vephist would pull something major. Something major enough that there'll be three different kings in a span of two days in this country! And that was all possible due to his title as a Shichibukai: no one would try to interfere with his plans. Not a pirate crew, because of the fact Vephist was miles high in the ladder of power. Not a marine crew, because they allowed Vephist to do what he wants without consequences.
Walking through the most populated square of the city that was also home to the country's king, it would all turn quiet as Vephist's footsteps were thudding. He was holding his sword; 'Tempest's Call' in his right hand. It was a large, oriental blade known as a ''Odachi''. It was way too big to sheath on his sides and he didn't want the blade to top over his cloak, so he carried it around by holding the sheathed blade in the center and just keeping it below the ground or over his shoulder. Most of the time, swordsmen had their swords placed next to their hips so even in holding a sword Vephist was unique. The sun was shining bright right into Vephist's eyes. All the people moved to the sides so the only one walking was Vephist. It was a good thing he agreed to take on the Shichibukai title.. His hood moved a little fluttering because of the wind, and his robe would end up being blown backwards so his large stature and those factors combined caused Vephist to have an even larger presence than he already had.
He was going to meet up with a rookie pirate that was skyrocketing the beli bounty charts. Surely, there were Supernova's with bounties easily exceeding a hundred million but Vephist had good faith in this rookie pirate. The rookie pirate named Hal managed to contact Vephist. Not only because Hal had done well by adressing Vephist as a Majesty, thus Vephist decided to meet up with the rookie pirate. Previous deeds of Hal included taking over marine warships, even one of them had a Rear Admiral on deck.
After some minutes passed, Vephist had arrived at his destination. It was a cliff, with a very large pointy end. You could compare it to a surfboard. Vephist stood at the cliff, watching over the island as he enjoyed the view he got from where he was standing. As Vephist turned around, he immediately noticed the large castle that was home to this country's king. Hmmm.. That would be a comfy resort for a few days.
''The Unholy.. Vephist D. Yhs.''
''Hah?
Oh.. it's you.''
''Indeed. Now then, I recall us meeting was for me to propose a plan of business! I call it ''takeover''..''
Hal started laughing quietly and ended up with a evil smirk on his face. Vephist's golden eyes thrusted Hal's with a vicious look. Vephist knew there was something else going on. He himself thought Hal wanted to work under Vephist, as was written in the letter. However, the fact that Hal said he called his business plan ''takeover'' meant that this was not the case. By quick thinking, Vephist realised Hal wanted to ''takeover'' Vephist's position.
''What are you thinking?''
''I'm sorry, filthy queen that you are.. but this is the last of your days. You will be my stepping stone!''
Multiple thoughts crossed Vephist's mind as the executives of Hal's pirate crew showed up and some weaker soldiers behind them in a larger number. Vephist moved his hand in the blink of an eye from the sheath to holding the handle of his blade. The sheath dropped down to the ground with a large thud as the sheath was made of metal instead of wood or leather. Vephist's eyes opened larger as also he got a sickening smile on his face.
''Just so you know it, you're making a grave mistake. But, there is no turning back now. Maybe in your next life, you will adress me as your king both on paper and in the flesh.''
''Yeah, right.. Send him falling to his death!''
Vephist would then follow up his unsheathing of Tempest's Call by turning 360 degrees around his own axis with his sword stretched out as far as Vephist's reach would go. He would, in his spin, activate his devil fruit powers onto his blade and would release them the moment his blade would cross sight with the gang of outlaws that were going to push Vephist off the cliff. Honestly, even if they succeeded in getting close enough and even then pushing him off the cliff, the fall wouldn't be fatal to Vephist. And even then, Vephist could just fly upwards by utilizing gravitational forces. [Your plan failed, Hal..]
As the sun was cast on the blade onto the eyes of Hal's crewmembers and his executives Vephist rained down horizontal gravity crushing almost everything in the path. It would easily wipe out the forces Hal had gathered infront of Vephist. However, his executives were still standing and Hal had gone somewhere else. This meant Vephist was to face-off with Hal's three executives, taking on the hierarchy of the Hal Pirates going from lowest rank to highest rank.
''You wanna play with me, you peasants?!''
Quickly blitzing towards the closest executive Vephist aimed to slice his throat with a quick upwards diagonal slash. However, the executive managed to dodge the cut and by counterattacking he would aim for Vephist's face with a horned punch as the man wore a gauntlet with spikes on the knuckles. Vephist would spin around the gauntlet to dodge it and to create momentum for a punch from his side. This time his attack would connect as his fist blew the executive upwards for a meter. After that Vephist would follow up on his attack by jumping in the air, spinning around vertically thus somersaulting and finishing this move by sending his boot into the stomach of the executive. As Vephist and the executive landed on the ground, the ground would shatter in a circle radius below the executive.
Even before the other executives could respond to the sudden events, Vephist would dash onto the next one. He would grab him by the throat and push him against the ground. As the other executive turned into a half-man half-lion by Zoan devil fruit powers as was assumed by Vephist, he would let go of the tight hold he had on the other executive's throat and turn his face to the Zoan. The executive that was down on the floor second started coughing and gasping for oxygen.
''You fucking animal.. hahahaha..''
Mocking the Zoan, Vephist started laughing. He would look at the cliff to make sure his sheath was still there. After that, the Zoan managed to get closer in that one second Vephist let his guard down. Vephist was smiling as he was enjoying the fight, or atleast the way the executives tried to take Vephist down. The Zoan was going for Vephist by swiping his claws over his body. However, Vephist blocked his claws by putting his sword inbetween the two. He would then push the Zoan away who had grown in size during the transition from man to animal and was now way larger and taller than Vephist.
Vephist would then move towards the Zoan, and the Zoan would move towards Vephist likewise. Vephist would drop his blade for a millisecond after pushing the handle. This way, the sword would turn around and holding it normal would cause the blade to go behind his back instead of forward. As the two were near each other again, Vephist would spot Hal from the corners of his eye moving towards Vephist too. It seemed he was going to double team the Shichibukai. Surely, it would be the wisest thing to do as Hal and his executives were no match for Vephist.
Vephist would look Hal in his eyes which seemingly caused a little bit of disturbance for the rookie, as he was shocked by Vephist casually looking around him while claws were nearing his body looking to deal damage and shed blood. Vephist was smiling, yet again, and as he looked forward again he would hit the Zoan with the back of his handle dealing blunt damage. Since Vephist was using the handle as a weapon instead of the sharp edge the blade had, the Zoan would underestimate the sword in his hand and would more likely be protective when it came to his other free hand or another body part of Vephist.
This way Vephist probably ran through a few of the Zoan's ribs by smashing the handle deep into the skin but not through it. After that, Vephist would turn around mid air and immediately set his eyes on Hal, the one who betrayed him.
''HAL!''
Instead of moving towards Vephist, Hal would try and turn around but unlike Vephist he didn't succeed in suddenly turning around while already in motion. Vephist closed in on Hal and Vephist would then switch to the side and let his sword run through Hal as he didn't even bother looking at him. As Vephist's feet hit the ground again, his sword was covered in blood of the rookie pirate who tried out Vephist's life-and-death hourglass only to end up getting sliced open the right way. The last bits of sand had ended up in the lower part of Hal's hourglass, as the rookie pirate died facing off against Vephist.
Last edited by Vephist D. Yhs on Sun Aug 23, 2015 11:00 am; edited 3 times in total | |
| | | Tsarna
Position : Schichibukai Berries : 478,300 Posts : 184
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Fenikkiru Skill 2: Tori Tori no mi: Model - Phoenix Skill 3:
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Sat Aug 22, 2015 8:29 pm | |
| Crew: N/A Position: Schichibukai Tier: 1 Activity: Well, it depends on my working schedule a bit, but it would be still a lot - remember, how many islands I created in the event? xP Why: Hmmmm...I think that as one of the early RPers on the site, it is only natural, that we get the positions, which the later players will strive to get: and if somebody occupies the spot, it is kinda more fun to do it and overally this enchants also the RP-World, if the stronger positions are occupied + the usual stuff like more power, blablabla.. Sample: Rear-Admiral Juko was a strong, intelligent marine, who was given the task to capture a young pirate, who lately was making a name for himself - Tsarna. He found out, that this young pirate was staying on a island in East Blue, so he took a couple of his best fighters with him to capture Tsarna... "TSARNAAAA!!! Wake up, it's already noon!" Anna shouted. Tsarna opened slowly his eyes, looked at Anna and muttered something to himself, then stood up and ... "Get dressed before you stand up, your naked, you know" "Nah, I was planning to do a tour in the city naked, just for fun, Anna... Hahahaahhahaa, just kidding... And you seem kinda OK with me being naked like that""Well, it isn't anything spectacular about it, my friend" Anna said with a witty smile. "Get dressed! We need to meet up with Mazo on the market place, so we can gather all the materials to repair our "raft" and keep moving to the next island" Tsarna got dressed and they both started to make their way to the market, when suddenly Mazo came running their way and shouting: "We have to run, the marines are here!" Tsarna replied: "We have fought marines before, haven't we? I think we can take them head on this time too. Besides - we need those materials to continue our journey and the market place is the only place we get them. Mazo, my friend, you are worrying too much, like always...". "Tsarna, those aren't just some low-rank marine scumbags, those are kinda high-ranked officers of the organization - Read-Admiral Juko and his fighters. You...I mean we...can't take them lightly!""My friend, you are good informed, like always. So the marines have acknowledged my strength and sent someone with a high rank after me. That is kinda exciting. Anna and Mazo - let's think about our situation. Firstly, this is a pretty small island with one village and some trees growing around it. Secondly, we have nowhere to run, because our "ship" is broken. Thirdly ... ... ... well, I forgot about that, but the point is - we just have to confront the marines and fight them. That is the only way we can move forward on our journey. Agreed, my friends?" If Mazo and Anna have learned anything from the journey with Tsarna, it's the knowledge, that when he has made up his mind, then nothing's going to change it, so they both agreed with him to face the marines. The three young pirates started to make their way to the market place. "So...You are the young pirate called Tsarna, who has made a name for himself in the East Blue by defeating a great amount of our men. You even defeated Commodore Uno" Juko said. "Hmphh...Tsarna here, Tsarna there. We helped out too, you know!!" Anna replied to the remarks of the Rear-Admiral. " Hahahhahahaa..Anna, you jelaous of me being the target? And Ju... whatever, the marines which I defeated, were standing in my way. It's is the same, if some pirates, like now, are standing in your way, isn't it?! But these three pirates are no pushovers, like the most of us scumb... You know what point I'm making with this dramatic speech, Read-Admiral somebody! So let us get over with this fast, Anna and Mazo - we have a ship to fix!"The low-ranked marines formed a circle around Tsarna and the others, to start their attempts to restrain us. Anna and Mazo knew what to do, so they scattered, leaving me alone in the circle. Tsarna took his sword on the right hand and "Fenikkusu no senpū!", which created a whirlwind around me, and all the marines got hit by the attack and fell unconscious. "I see, you scum can't be taken lightly! Yo and Yu, you are up! Take him out! Rear-Admiral Juko shouted. As those two Captain-leveled marines were starting to make their assault towards me, they were stopped by Anna and Mazo. "Tsarna, there is no point in you fighting them, I and Anna can handle them, I think....I'm sure! You can take out Juko!"" Don't get your ass beaten, Tsarna."" Thank you, friends! I'm not gonna lose! You both know that our journey has just started, so it is not gonna end here!" Tsarna replied to his both crew-mates. " I'm pretty lucky to have found two people like that, who I can gladly call my friends. They always protect my back, like I protect theirs!" Tsarna thought to himself and started to walk towards the Read-Admiral to end this clash. "You honestly think that you greenhorn will win against a Read-Admiral of the Marines!?! I have to teach you some manners, so I am going to finish you up fast, but don't worry, it is going to be pretty painful, suitable for the trash you are!" Zuko shouted and meanwhile took off his marine cape. He leaped forward towards Tsarna and in the air he started to transform into a dog - he had a Zoan-type Devil Fruit, Inu Inu no mi - Model: Doberman. This took Tsarna by surprise and he couldn't defend against the attack. "Kogemasu!" the fully-transformed Rear-Admiral used his sharp teeth to bite into Tsarnas right shoulder, which had the effect, of Tsarna dropping his sword. The blood was flowing down Tsarnas shoulder. "Tsarna, what are you doing?!?!" Anna shouted and started running towards the both, to get Zuko off Tsarna, but Yo cut off her way. " "Hahahahaha - I am still your opponent. Don't worry, the Rear-Admiral will kill him off quickly and then it's your turn to follow your friend into hell!""Anna, it's fine. This attack just took me by surp...prise. Damn, it hurts a lot too! Bu...t I'm not going to lose this fight, because I have goals which I must reach, before I can DIE IN PEACE! Don't think, that You are the only one, who has a surprise up his sleeve, Zuko!" And then, for the first time, which also came as a surprise to Anna and Mazo, Tsarna used his Devil Fruit, the Yami-Yami no mi! "Kurouzu!" Tsarna created a black vortex on his left hand and touched Zuko with the hand - in the moment he did that, Zuko lost his powers and transformed back to a human, "What the hell just happened?!?!?! You have a Devil Fruit too!" Tsarna nodded: "Yeah, that's the Yami-Yami no mi and it has the power to draw out any Devil Fruit powers from the user. This power will help me to reach my goals and now my goal is to defeat YOU!". Zuko couldn't move and Tsarna lifted up his sword and made his final attack "Fenifushū!", which cut the Rear-Admiral pretty badly, he coughed up blood and fell unconscious. "That's that! This fight is over.". Meanwhile, Anna and Mazo also finished their clashes with Yo and Yu, leaving the high-ranked marines defeated. "So you had a devil fruit and didn't tell us, eh?!""Well, eventually I would have told you. It isn't anything special yet, because I can only use that one attack with it - there is still much for me to learn about the powers of my devil fruit. I'm just glad, that you both are well and we can keep on going on our journey!" Tsarna smiled, then grabbed his right shoulder, which was still bleeding heavily from the fight. "We have to tend to your wound for now. So, let us find a doctor. After that, we can fix our ship and continue our travels!"
"Unity is strength...when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved." Tsarna thought to himself. | |
| | | Azure Snow The Owner
Position : Marine Captain Berries : 135,000 Posts : 1075
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Heaven's Nodachi Skill 2: Gun Blade Style Skill 3:
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Sat Aug 22, 2015 8:42 pm | |
| This is a work of Art! I would have loved to see the battle drawn out a bit more but i loved the interaction with the NPC's and the quote at the end put goosebumps throughout my body! Well done!! By the powers of Crimson I dub thee Tsarna, Schichibukai! --- Before you became a Schichibukai your bounty was 204,700,000... You gained 26 Levels! - Tsarna wrote:
- Crew: N/A
Position: Schichibukai Tier: 1 Activity: Well, it depends on my working schedule a bit, but it would be still a lot - remember, how many islands I created in the event? xP Why: Hmmmm...I think that as one of the early RPers on the site, it is only natural, that we get the positions, which the later players will strive to get: and if somebody occupies the spot, it is kinda more fun to do it and overally this enchants also the RP-World, if the stronger positions are occupied + the usual stuff like more power, blablabla.. Sample:
Rear-Admiral Juko was a strong, intelligent marine, who was given the task to capture a young pirate, who lately was making a name for himself - Tsarna. He found out, that this young pirate was staying on a island in East Blue, so he took a couple of his best fighters with him to capture Tsarna...
"TSARNAAAA!!! Wake up, it's already noon!" Anna shouted. Tsarna opened slowly his eyes, looked at Anna and muttered something to himself, then stood up and ... "Get dressed before you stand up, your naked, you know" "Nah, I was planning to do a tour in the city naked, just for fun, Anna... Hahahaahhahaa, just kidding... And you seem kinda OK with me being naked like that" "Well, it isn't anything spectacular about it, my friend" Anna said with a witty smile. "Get dressed! We need to meet up with Mazo on the market place, so we can gather all the materials to repair our "raft" and keep moving to the next island"
Tsarna got dressed and they both started to make their way to the market, when suddenly Mazo came running their way and shouting: "We have to run, the marines are here!" Tsarna replied: "We have fought marines before, haven't we? I think we can take them head on this time too. Besides - we need those materials to continue our journey and the market place is the only place we get them. Mazo, my friend, you are worrying too much, like always...". "Tsarna, those aren't just some low-rank marine scumbags, those are kinda high-ranked officers of the organization - Read-Admiral Juko and his fighters. You...I mean we...can't take them lightly!" "My friend, you are good informed, like always. So the marines have acknowledged my strength and sent someone with a high rank after me. That is kinda exciting. Anna and Mazo - let's think about our situation. Firstly, this is a pretty small island with one village and some trees growing around it. Secondly, we have nowhere to run, because our "ship" is broken. Thirdly ... ... ... well, I forgot about that, but the point is - we just have to confront the marines and fight them. That is the only way we can move forward on our journey. Agreed, my friends?" If Mazo and Anna have learned anything from the journey with Tsarna, it's the knowledge, that when he has made up his mind, then nothing's going to change it, so they both agreed with him to face the marines. The three young pirates started to make their way to the market place.
"So...You are the young pirate called Tsarna, who has made a name for himself in the East Blue by defeating a great amount of our men. You even defeated Commodore Uno" Juko said. "Hmphh...Tsarna here, Tsarna there. We helped out too, you know!!" Anna replied to the remarks of the Rear-Admiral. " Hahahhahahaa..Anna, you jelaous of me being the target? And Ju... whatever, the marines which I defeated, were standing in my way. It's is the same, if some pirates, like now, are standing in your way, isn't it?! But these three pirates are no pushovers, like the most of us scumb... You know what point I'm making with this dramatic speech, Read-Admiral somebody! So let us get over with this fast, Anna and Mazo - we have a ship to fix!"
The low-ranked marines formed a circle around Tsarna and the others, to start their attempts to restrain us. Anna and Mazo knew what to do, so they scattered, leaving me alone in the circle. Tsarna took his sword on the right hand and "Fenikkusu no senpū!", which created a whirlwind around me, and all the marines got hit by the attack and fell unconscious. "I see, you scum can't be taken lightly! Yo and Yu, you are up! Take him out! Rear-Admiral Juko shouted. As those two Captain-leveled marines were starting to make their assault towards me, they were stopped by Anna and Mazo. "Tsarna, there is no point in you fighting them, I and Anna can handle them, I think....I'm sure! You can take out Juko!" " Don't get your ass beaten, Tsarna." " Thank you, friends! I'm not gonna lose! You both know that our journey has just started, so it is not gonna end here!" Tsarna replied to his both crew-mates. " I'm pretty lucky to have found two people like that, who I can gladly call my friends. They always protect my back, like I protect theirs!" Tsarna thought to himself and started to walk towards the Read-Admiral to end this clash.
"You honestly think that you greenhorn will win against a Read-Admiral of the Marines!?! I have to teach you some manners, so I am going to finish you up fast, but don't worry, it is going to be pretty painful, suitable for the trash you are!" Zuko shouted and meanwhile took off his marine cape. He leaped forward towards Tsarna and in the air he started to transform into a dog - he had a Zoan-type Devil Fruit, Inu Inu no mi - Model: Doberman. This took Tsarna by surprise and he couldn't defend against the attack. "Kogemasu!" the fully-transformed Rear-Admiral used his sharp teeth to bite into Tsarnas right shoulder, which had the effect, of Tsarna dropping his sword. The blood was flowing down Tsarnas shoulder. "Tsarna, what are you doing?!?!" Anna shouted and started running towards the both, to get Zuko off Tsarna, but Yo cut off her way. ""Hahahahaha - I am still your opponent. Don't worry, the Rear-Admiral will kill him off quickly and then it's your turn to follow your friend into hell!"
"Anna, it's fine. This attack just took me by surp...prise. Damn, it hurts a lot too! Bu...t I'm not going to lose this fight, because I have goals which I must reach, before I can DIE IN PEACE! Don't think, that You are the only one, who has a surprise up his sleeve, Zuko!" And then, for the first time, which also came as a surprise to Anna and Mazo, Tsarna used his Devil Fruit, the Yami-Yami no mi! "Kurouzu!" Tsarna created a black vortex on his left hand and touched Zuko with the hand - in the moment he did that, Zuko lost his powers and transformed back to a human, "What the hell just happened?!?!?! You have a Devil Fruit too!" Tsarna nodded: "Yeah, that's the Yami-Yami no mi and it has the power to draw out any Devil Fruit powers from the user. This power will help me to reach my goals and now my goal is to defeat YOU!". Zuko couldn't move and Tsarna lifted up his sword and made his final attack "Fenifushū!", which cut the Rear-Admiral pretty badly, he coughed up blood and fell unconscious. "That's that! This fight is over.".
Meanwhile, Anna and Mazo also finished their clashes with Yo and Yu, leaving the high-ranked marines defeated. "So you had a devil fruit and didn't tell us, eh?!" "Well, eventually I would have told you. It isn't anything special yet, because I can only use that one attack with it - there is still much for me to learn about the powers of my devil fruit. I'm just glad, that you both are well and we can keep on going on our journey!" Tsarna smiled, then grabbed his right shoulder, which was still bleeding heavily from the fight. "We have to tend to your wound for now. So, let us find a doctor. After that, we can fix our ship and continue our travels!"
"Unity is strength...when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved." Tsarna thought to himself. | |
| | | Mari Kuribayashi
Position : - Posts : 27
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Skill 2: Skill 3:
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Sat Aug 22, 2015 10:17 pm | |
| Crew: Dream Eater Pirates Position: SuperNova Tier: 1 Activity: I can be as active as necessary, I can be on daily even. However, my only exception is that I have other websites that and a job that requires u attention as well but other than that, I think I can be pretty active. I understand that I have not been very active as of late but that was mainly because RL kept me busy and I was waiting on my character to be approved. Anyways, I will be more active if I have people to RP with and have the position of course Wink jk Why: I have been RPing since late 2011 or early 2012, and overtime have developed a good RP style. While I'm VERY new to this forum, I have been on my fair share of RP sites and I think I could do a lot of interesting topics if I had the supernova position. Sample:- Mari's Marine Butt Kicking Adventure:
Mari had only left her home of the glowing isles not even a week ago. She was finally free from that dumb isolated castle. The young fugitive princess had made it off the island after "borrowing" a ship from the docks. Though the people she had "borrowed" it from had been yelling and shouting at Mari as she set sail away from the home she had always known for the last 16 years of her life. Finally, she would get to see the world.
Mari had always hated her life in the castle as well as her harsh and strict father who never let her have any freedom, day in and day out, she would go to lesson after lesson. Learning everything from math, to reading, to manners, to even martial arts. Mari hated this lifestyle and wanted nothing more to reject it all and become a pirate. That's where Mari was now... on her way to find crew mates. The first and most important step to becoming queen of the pirates.
A few days after sailing through the South Blue, Mari came to the island of Ningen no Kamishima. She had heard the island was home to mostly farmers and carpenters but she still had high hopes for finding at least one or two people who could join her crew. She looked at the map she had brought with her and found that there was only a small spot where she could enter the island. She turned her ship around and headed for that place on the map.
Upon arriving at the spot where her ship could enter the island, she was greeted by guards who were at the top of a pair of large gate doors. "Halt who goes there!" Mari put her hat down over her head and made a small "tch" sound. She then lifted her head and grinned up at the guard who had addressed her before. "The name's Mari! Mind letting my ship pass into the island?" The one guard looked at the other one and they nodded at each other. "Alright, we'll let you pass. Enjoy your time on our island." Mari nodded and grinned. The large gates shortly opened inward, allowing Mari's ship to pass right through without much of a fight.
The dream eater parked her ship at the docks just beyond the gates and jumped onto the wooden dock. Mari stretched her arms to the sunny blue sky. "Yahoo! Alright! Time to look for some crew mates!!" She said as she took off running into the town at top speed.
In town, it was quite peaceful and nice. However, the peaceful atmosphere was soon broken, an old man was sent flying out a window of what looked to be a tavern just up ahead. Without thinking, Mari dashed off in that direction with a big grin on her face. Maybe she'd get to have some fun today.
Upon reaching the tavern, she kicked the doors in and saw a rowdy bunch of drunken men who seemed to be marines were making a scene and causing trouble.(Oh the irony) Mari's grin grew wider. "Hey you drunkards! What are you all doing causing trouble for this poor tavern huh? However, they all just laughed at her. Now Mari was pissed, as she clenched her hand into a fist, one of the Marines walked up to her. "Now, now little girl, run along before you get arrested." After the one Marine said that, a large anger mark appeared on the back of her head. "Oh?" Before the Marine could even respond, Mari kneed him in the nuts and when he when down on his knees, grabbing his groin in pain, she hit him over the head, knocking him half unconscious. "Now, you guys have reason to arrest me." She said with a cocky and toothy grin. "Why you little brat!!! You're going straight to Impel Down!!"
Mari just continued to grin. As the rest of the marines rushed towards her, she jumped into the air and used their heads as stepping stones. She hopped on top of each marines' head until she was now standing on top of the bar counter and the marines ended up crashing into the tables and chairs on the other side. They all fell on top of one another making it hard for any of them to get up and retaliate.
The marines all looked back at Mari as they continued to struggle to get up. "Just who the hell is this brat anyways?!?!" Mari laughed confidently. "I'm Mari Kuribayashi, The Dream Eater! And don't you bozos ever forget that!!" With that Mari left the tavern and headed out through the alleyway behind the tavern. She then headed straight back to her boat and left the island to search elsewhere for crew mates.
This is Aika BTW, I killed her off and this is my new character. | |
| | | Laplace
Posts : 56
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Sat Aug 22, 2015 11:51 pm | |
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IN RESPONSE TO MARI
As you have asked in the chat, your application will not be graded. As I have said, I will be posting my review anyways since I have already taken the time to do so; in the end, it should be beneficial for all parties anyways. You will have some insight into what I will specifically be on the look out for as well as what I thought of your RP Sample for future reference for the following one. Just go ahead and post the new sample after this bit. So without further ado, here is my take on the application.
First, let me address the portions aside from the RP Sample and get that out of the way. As some of you may have realised by now, when it comes to a Laplace review, details outside of an RP Sample is rarely stressed. Whatever tier you are is of little concern at the moment since we generally give an EXP boost to accommodate that growth. Additionally, it's fairly clear to see the "why" for anyone in attaining a position, no matter what they put down; certainly, the specifics vary, but as far as I am concerned it all generally falls into the template of "to be". Now then, on to the main topic.
Grammar and sentence structure and flow are fairly negligible in my book when it comes to a position such as the Super Nova; so long as it isn't atrocious and legible, and the point of what's being said comes across reasonably, I have no qualms. Your RP Sample does not fall outside the norm. There are points which can be improved, but they're fairly standard mistakes that everyone makes, myself included--really, there's no problem here.
Instead, it is the rarer "storyline" that is the issue. There's no discrepancies in the beginning of the sample that raise any alarms, particularly because they just feed the reader context--a motive in prologue. Unfortunately, this bit hasn't truly encompassed what kind of character Mari is. I didn't take a look at your application, but at some point I felt urged to do so. The reason she left the castle and went off on a journey is straight forward, but what is the reasoning behind the specific actions she takes, such as fighting of the ruckus-causing marines; as a matter of fact, why did she choose specifically to become a pirate as opposed to, literally, any other available profession?
Another major thing was the exact inverse; what is the reasoning behind the NPCs actions? Why did the guards unanimously decide to let a child single-handedly manning a ship enter with nothing more than a nod? I can guess at why she looked for crew members, but there is no substantial clarification on that matter. Why did she think crew members were essential to the plan of becoming Pirate Queen? For a person who sought freedom from the life of royalty by total escape from the only society he was exposed to, one would expect Mari to be a fairly individualistic person.
There were others things to take note of in the NPCs reactions to Mari that I'd like to point out, but the gist of what I'm saying's there so I won't assume a necessity in taking further examples. Just, take into account that while NPCs by basis aren't particularly important or depth'd, they still represent figures with conscience and reasoning. Contrary to shounen manga, not every fodder character opposing our protagonist lacks competence.
More than anything, her extremely straight-forward pace, that certainly gives her an eccentric flavour that seems to come to the point of unique in contrast to most characters who have some sort of deterring characteristic. As someone who avidly roleplays similar characters that take on the Whirling-Eddy archetype, as is I have a favourable opinion towards her "no rhyme or reason" plan of action; the only problem is, that conflicts with the first three paragraphs that purely act as context. At this point, the entire RP Sample now makes absolutely no sense as there's a stronger lack of continuity than the surprisingly not-so-contrasting lack of linear structure found in the Bleach anime, an entity riddled with time-defying fillers.
So, there you have it. That's basically my complete review on your application. It wasn't difficult to read in the least, which is often the main subject of difficulty when reading RP Samples; instead, I just found myself repetitively asking templated questions that start with "why". Please do keep all this in mind as you create your alternate RP Sample; to be blunt, this one was going to be denied. Fortunately, I was given good reason not to, as Azure had pointed out that little bit concerning a lack of mention towards Mari's status as a Super Nova. So, that in mind, there is no need to wait three days. I look forward to seeing the new one. | |
| | | Mari Kuribayashi
Position : - Posts : 27
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Skill 2: Skill 3:
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Sun Aug 23, 2015 1:35 am | |
| My New RP sample - Mari's Supernova Adventure:
Mari had been out on her journey for some time now, she couldn't be happier to be free of her life at the castle, away from her abusive and harshly strict father. The young fugitive princess had become quite the well known pirate. Messing with Marines all over the South Blue. Getting into bar fights, trying to protect people's dreams. This whole adventure started about 3 months back. Mari had fled from castle with guards chasing after her. She ended up "borrowing" one of the royal ships and left the home she'd known for the last 16 years of her life. Mari had finally obtained the freedom she always wished and hoped for.
Mari began sailing all over the south blue, she had not found her purpose yet and it bugged the crap out of her. She would lay down in her hammock at night wondering what could she do with her life. Upon arriving at the port of an island in the south blue known as Belator Island. There Mari witnessed a group of pirates take down some corrupt marines and saved the town. This helped Mari figure out what she wanted to do in life. It was decided, Mari would become a pirate and sail the blues and the grand line.
3 months later, Mari was now a pirate and had made herself known to the marines. Her high bounty made her a super nova. Not too many people messed with the shrimp because of this. Mari had sailed to the East Blue and landed in Orange Town. A small farming village. It seemed quiet and peaceful and so Mari figured it might be a good place to take it easy for a bit. However, the people of the village had called in the marines not long after Mari had arrived. The young super nova wandered around the village before entering a local pub. Everyone there stopped and the pub fell silent. Mari looked around a bit confused for a moment before realizing why exactly everyone had gone silent. Mari took a seat in the very back of the pub and ordered a glass of cranberry juice. The server who brought Mari her juice was shaking uncontrollably. He set down Mari's juice and then scurried off without a single word. The fact that everyone was avoiding her like the plague, pissed Mari off just a bit. She just sat there and quietly sipped her juice until the door to the pub burst open and about 15 marine officers showed up heavily armed. Mari almost chocked on her juice when they suddenly showed up. Mari knew the odds were against her but that was how she liked it. Mari set her almost empty juice glass down on the wooden table, got to her feet and then hopped up on top of the table, making her presence known to her enemies. "Hey Boys! Lookin' fer me?!" They all turned their heads in the direction of Mari's voice. To see a small girl with purple hair and a large toothy grin standing on top of a table confidently.
"There's the Dream Eater! Seize her men!!" The one marine who seemed to be in charge shouted to the other 14. At that moment, Mari jumped out an open window that was adjacent to the table she was standing on. "How 'bout we take this outside boys! Catch me if you can ya ding dongs HA HA!!" She said as she began running to the docks.
Like clockwork, the marines had started running after her, some of them began shooting but Mari dodged every bullet. However, her dodging them, put others in danger. Not wanting to endanger normal villagers, Mari stopped and turned around to face her enemies. The marines all stopped in their tracks as well. "Dream eater! Will you turn yourself in? Or will you continue to defy the world government?" Mari just put her hand on top of her hat and burst out laughing. "Nihahahahaha!! Turn myself in?? Ya gotta be kiddin' me! Why in the world would I want to do that? You guys are dumber than you look!!" She said with a big toothy grin.
Mari then got into a running position and took off again, only this time, she ran towards the marines and not away from them. She dodged the bullets they fired by jumping up to where the sun blinded the marines. In their blinding moment, they dropped their weapons in order to cover their eyes from the blinding light of the bright sun. This was Mari's big chance. She landed back on the ground and dashed towards them once more, striking each of them, one by one, hitting various pressure points on there bodies. When she got through them to the other side, some were lying on the ground unconscious while others were struggling to stand back up.
Mari looked back at all of them with a smug look on her face. "You wusses couldn't beat me in a million years! There's no way you'll ever catch the Dream Eater ding dongs!!" Mari then headed back to the docks and left the island before more reinforcements could be called and show up.
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| | | Vephist D. Yhs
Position : Shichibukai Posts : 139
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Gravity Fruit Skill 2: Yhs Kenjutsu Skill 3:
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Sun Aug 23, 2015 11:09 am | |
| Bumping here because you left the chatbox I finished my sample and my ''why''. The application is at page 2. | |
| | | Laplace
Posts : 56
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Sun Aug 23, 2015 12:06 pm | |
|
IN RESPONSE TO MARI
As I've said in the chatbox, putting aside the minor grammar things that are fairly negligible, this RP Sample is kept simplistic and straightforward, and it's pleasing to see that without going off in a complicated direction it has basically become flawless. At least, in terms of the addressed issues I pointed out previously. To match, I'll keep this post sweet and short as well; you have my approval for becoming a Super Nova. With a second approval, it will be official.
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| | | Azure Snow The Owner
Position : Marine Captain Berries : 135,000 Posts : 1075
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Heaven's Nodachi Skill 2: Gun Blade Style Skill 3:
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Sun Aug 23, 2015 12:20 pm | |
| Love it! Oh damn.. I didnt know you had a Super Long Katana like that. I look forward to facing off against you- However! Back to the task at hand. You have my Approval! Now just one more and you have it! - Vephist D. Yhs wrote:
- Crew: N/A
Position: Shichibukai Tier: 1 Activity: All day all night (seriously, I'm online most of the time) Why: Vephist D. Yhs is walking around the world with a god, king and messiah complex. He believes himself to stand above all humans and because of his enormous power that lies within his Gravity devil fruit, the World Government inquired whether Vephist would like to take one of the seven seats of the Oka Shichibukai. Because of this position, Vephist is allowed to do whatever he wants but with óne condition: he would have to help the World Government out the same way in One Piece the Shichibukai fought on the Navy's side during the Marineford War.
Note: - Should I be granted this position, I would like to bump Vephist's age and height/weight up. - In the sample, I will use equipment and devil fruit abilities even if they are not approved yet at the registration section. I hope that is alright. Sample: - 1642 Words:
''Stay quiet and kneel son..''
''But.. dad..!''
''NOW!''
As the merchant, father of a five-year old son ordered his son to kneel and stay quiet, one of the Royal Seven Warlords of the Sea had arrived in town. The stories they heard about this pirate.. He knew that if they didn't stay quiet and kneeled before him Vephist would pull something major. Something major enough that there'll be three different kings in a span of two days in this country! And that was all possible due to his title as a Shichibukai: no one would try to interfere with his plans. Not a pirate crew, because of the fact Vephist was miles high in the ladder of power. Not a marine crew, because they allowed Vephist to do what he wants without consequences.
Walking through the most populated square of the city that was also home to the country's king, it would all turn quiet as Vephist's footsteps were thudding. He was holding his sword; 'Tempest's Call' in his right hand. It was a large, oriental blade known as a ''Odachi''. It was way too big to sheath on his sides and he didn't want the blade to top over his cloak, so he carried it around by holding the sheathed blade in the center and just keeping it below the ground or over his shoulder. Most of the time, swordsmen had their swords placed next to their hips so even in holding a sword Vephist was unique. The sun was shining bright right into Vephist's eyes. All the people moved to the sides so the only one walking was Vephist. It was a good thing he agreed to take on the Shichibukai title.. His hood moved a little fluttering because of the wind, and his robe would end up being blown backwards so his large stature and those factors combined caused Vephist to have an even larger presence than he already had.
He was going to meet up with a rookie pirate that was skyrocketing the beli bounty charts. Surely, there were Supernova's with bounties easily exceeding a hundred million but Vephist had good faith in this rookie pirate. The rookie pirate named Hal managed to contact Vephist. Not only because Hal had done well by adressing Vephist as a Majesty, thus Vephist decided to meet up with the rookie pirate. Previous deeds of Hal included taking over marine warships, even one of them had a Rear Admiral on deck.
After some minutes passed, Vephist had arrived at his destination. It was a cliff, with a very large pointy end. You could compare it to a surfboard. Vephist stood at the cliff, watching over the island as he enjoyed the view he got from where he was standing. As Vephist turned around, he immediately noticed the large castle that was home to this country's king. Hmmm.. That would be a comfy resort for a few days.
''The Unholy.. Vephist D. Yhs.''
''Hah?
Oh.. it's you.''
''Indeed. Now then, I recall us meeting was for me to propose a plan of business! I call it ''takeover''..''
Hal started laughing quietly and ended up with a evil smirk on his face. Vephist's golden eyes thrusted Hal's with a vicious look. Vephist knew there was something else going on. He himself thought Hal wanted to work under Vephist, as was written in the letter. However, the fact that Hal said he called his business plan ''takeover'' meant that this was not the case. By quick thinking, Vephist realised Hal wanted to ''takeover'' Vephist's position.
''What are you thinking?''
''I'm sorry, filthy queen that you are.. but this is the last of your days. You will be my stepping stone!''
Multiple thoughts crossed Vephist's mind as the executives of Hal's pirate crew showed up and some weaker soldiers behind them in a larger number. Vephist moved his hand in the blink of an eye from the sheath to holding the handle of his blade. The sheath dropped down to the ground with a large thud as the sheath was made of metal instead of wood or leather. Vephist's eyes opened larger as also he got a sickening smile on his face.
''Just so you know it, you're making a grave mistake. But, there is no turning back now. Maybe in your next life, you will adress me as your king both on paper and in the flesh.''
''Yeah, right.. Send him falling to his death!''
Vephist would then follow up his unsheathing of Tempest's Call by turning 360 degrees around his own axis with his sword stretched out as far as Vephist's reach would go. He would, in his spin, activate his devil fruit powers onto his blade and would release them the moment his blade would cross sight with the gang of outlaws that were going to push Vephist off the cliff. Honestly, even if they succeeded in getting close enough and even then pushing him off the cliff, the fall wouldn't be fatal to Vephist. And even then, Vephist could just fly upwards by utilizing gravitational forces. [Your plan failed, Hal..]
As the sun was cast on the blade onto the eyes of Hal's crewmembers and his executives Vephist rained down horizontal gravity crushing almost everything in the path. It would easily wipe out the forces Hal had gathered infront of Vephist. However, his executives were still standing and Hal had gone somewhere else. This meant Vephist was to face-off with Hal's three executives, taking on the hierarchy of the Hal Pirates going from lowest rank to highest rank.
''You wanna play with me, you peasants?!''
Quickly blitzing towards the closest executive Vephist aimed to slice his throat with a quick upwards diagonal slash. However, the executive managed to dodge the cut and by counterattacking he would aim for Vephist's face with a horned punch as the man wore a gauntlet with spikes on the knuckles. Vephist would spin around the gauntlet to dodge it and to create momentum for a punch from his side. This time his attack would connect as his fist blew the executive upwards for a meter. After that Vephist would follow up on his attack by jumping in the air, spinning around vertically thus somersaulting and finishing this move by sending his boot into the stomach of the executive. As Vephist and the executive landed on the ground, the ground would shatter in a circle radius below the executive.
Even before the other executives could respond to the sudden events, Vephist would dash onto the next one. He would grab him by the throat and push him against the ground. As the other executive turned into a half-man half-lion by Zoan devil fruit powers as was assumed by Vephist, he would let go of the tight hold he had on the other executive's throat and turn his face to the Zoan. The executive that was down on the floor second started coughing and gasping for oxygen.
''You fucking animal.. hahahaha..''
Mocking the Zoan, Vephist started laughing. He would look at the cliff to make sure his sheath was still there. After that, the Zoan managed to get closer in that one second Vephist let his guard down. Vephist was smiling as he was enjoying the fight, or atleast the way the executives tried to take Vephist down. The Zoan was going for Vephist by swiping his claws over his body. However, Vephist blocked his claws by putting his sword inbetween the two. He would then push the Zoan away who had grown in size during the transition from man to animal and was now way larger and taller than Vephist.
Vephist would then move towards the Zoan, and the Zoan would move towards Vephist likewise. Vephist would drop his blade for a millisecond after pushing the handle. This way, the sword would turn around and holding it normal would cause the blade to go behind his back instead of forward. As the two were near each other again, Vephist would spot Hal from the corners of his eye moving towards Vephist too. It seemed he was going to double team the Shichibukai. Surely, it would be the wisest thing to do as Hal and his executives were no match for Vephist.
Vephist would look Hal in his eyes which seemingly caused a little bit of disturbance for the rookie, as he was shocked by Vephist casually looking around him while claws were nearing his body looking to deal damage and shed blood. Vephist was smiling, yet again, and as he looked forward again he would hit the Zoan with the back of his handle dealing blunt damage. Since Vephist was using the handle as a weapon instead of the sharp edge the blade had, the Zoan would underestimate the sword in his hand and would more likely be protective when it came to his other free hand or another body part of Vephist.
This way Vephist probably ran through a few of the Zoan's ribs by smashing the handle deep into the skin but not through it. After that, Vephist would turn around mid air and immediately set his eyes on Hal, the one who betrayed him.
''HAL!''
Instead of moving towards Vephist, Hal would try and turn around but unlike Vephist he didn't succeed in suddenly turning around while already in motion. Vephist closed in on Hal and Vephist would then switch to the side and let his sword run through Hal as he didn't even bother looking at him. As Vephist's feet hit the ground again, his sword was covered in blood of the rookie pirate who tried out Vephist's life-and-death hourglass only to end up getting sliced open the right way. The last bits of sand had ended up in the lower part of Hal's hourglass, as the rookie pirate died facing off against Vephist.
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| | | Azure Snow The Owner
Position : Marine Captain Berries : 135,000 Posts : 1075
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Heaven's Nodachi Skill 2: Gun Blade Style Skill 3:
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Sun Aug 23, 2015 12:31 pm | |
| I congratulate you~ I also Approve of you being a Super Nova!
You Now have a 83,000,000 Bounty placed on your head and a 18 Level Boost! - Mari Kuribayashi wrote:
- My New RP sample
- Mari's Supernova Adventure:
Mari had been out on her journey for some time now, she couldn't be happier to be free of her life at the castle, away from her abusive and harshly strict father. The young fugitive princess had become quite the well known pirate. Messing with Marines all over the South Blue. Getting into bar fights, trying to protect people's dreams. This whole adventure started about 3 months back. Mari had fled from castle with guards chasing after her. She ended up "borrowing" one of the royal ships and left the home she'd known for the last 16 years of her life. Mari had finally obtained the freedom she always wished and hoped for.
Mari began sailing all over the south blue, she had not found her purpose yet and it bugged the crap out of her. She would lay down in her hammock at night wondering what could she do with her life. Upon arriving at the port of an island in the south blue known as Belator Island. There Mari witnessed a group of pirates take down some corrupt marines and saved the town. This helped Mari figure out what she wanted to do in life. It was decided, Mari would become a pirate and sail the blues and the grand line.
3 months later, Mari was now a pirate and had made herself known to the marines. Her high bounty made her a super nova. Not too many people messed with the shrimp because of this. Mari had sailed to the East Blue and landed in Orange Town. A small farming village. It seemed quiet and peaceful and so Mari figured it might be a good place to take it easy for a bit. However, the people of the village had called in the marines not long after Mari had arrived. The young super nova wandered around the village before entering a local pub. Everyone there stopped and the pub fell silent. Mari looked around a bit confused for a moment before realizing why exactly everyone had gone silent. Mari took a seat in the very back of the pub and ordered a glass of cranberry juice. The server who brought Mari her juice was shaking uncontrollably. He set down Mari's juice and then scurried off without a single word. The fact that everyone was avoiding her like the plague, pissed Mari off just a bit. She just sat there and quietly sipped her juice until the door to the pub burst open and about 15 marine officers showed up heavily armed. Mari almost chocked on her juice when they suddenly showed up. Mari knew the odds were against her but that was how she liked it. Mari set her almost empty juice glass down on the wooden table, got to her feet and then hopped up on top of the table, making her presence known to her enemies. "Hey Boys! Lookin' fer me?!" They all turned their heads in the direction of Mari's voice. To see a small girl with purple hair and a large toothy grin standing on top of a table confidently.
"There's the Dream Eater! Seize her men!!" The one marine who seemed to be in charge shouted to the other 14. At that moment, Mari jumped out an open window that was adjacent to the table she was standing on. "How 'bout we take this outside boys! Catch me if you can ya ding dongs HA HA!!" She said as she began running to the docks.
Like clockwork, the marines had started running after her, some of them began shooting but Mari dodged every bullet. However, her dodging them, put others in danger. Not wanting to endanger normal villagers, Mari stopped and turned around to face her enemies. The marines all stopped in their tracks as well. "Dream eater! Will you turn yourself in? Or will you continue to defy the world government?" Mari just put her hand on top of her hat and burst out laughing. "Nihahahahaha!! Turn myself in?? Ya gotta be kiddin' me! Why in the world would I want to do that? You guys are dumber than you look!!" She said with a big toothy grin.
Mari then got into a running position and took off again, only this time, she ran towards the marines and not away from them. She dodged the bullets they fired by jumping up to where the sun blinded the marines. In their blinding moment, they dropped their weapons in order to cover their eyes from the blinding light of the bright sun. This was Mari's big chance. She landed back on the ground and dashed towards them once more, striking each of them, one by one, hitting various pressure points on there bodies. When she got through them to the other side, some were lying on the ground unconscious while others were struggling to stand back up.
Mari looked back at all of them with a smug look on her face. "You wusses couldn't beat me in a million years! There's no way you'll ever catch the Dream Eater ding dongs!!" Mari then headed back to the docks and left the island before more reinforcements could be called and show up.
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| | | Laplace
Posts : 56
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Sun Aug 23, 2015 1:02 pm | |
|
IN RESPONSE TO VEPHIST
I'd like to keep this fairly short and sweet as well. Basically, you have my approval, and will subsequently gain a rare Laplace-decided bounty and level gain. All in all, the reasoning behind my approval lies in the flow of the story, following direction, and many little things I appreciated that induced the great feeling of reading the chapter of a Web Novel. For a person such as I that avidly reads Web Novels, I particularly favour a roleplay sample that can do this. Setting aside minor issues with sentence-structure and bits of grammar, this sample is extremely well made. Starting off the story in mention of one of the NPCs was a great choice and immersed me into seeing a world portrayed through words. That alone gave some level of substance and depth to these entirely insignificant NPCs, and the follow-through in giving Hal and his subordinates a level of competence is an infinite plus. Especially since there was an actual battle that took place, and not just a one-sided slaughter in which the protagonist of our story doesn't display overwhelming strength before his enemies, but is actually engaging in diverse combat. The explanations of each action during the battle is fairly specific, and you can't really go any other way when it comes to roleplaying. That being said, I feel it's warranted my personal judgement on what rewards you should get.
+210,000,000 Bounty +41,000 EXP (LEVEL 26)
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| | | Laplace
Posts : 56
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Sun Aug 23, 2015 1:18 pm | |
| After some deliberation, it's been decided that Vephist will be receiving an additional 24,000 EXP points, effectively boosting his level to 32, and final EXP amount at 65,000. | |
| | | Vephist D. Yhs
Position : Shichibukai Posts : 139
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Gravity Fruit Skill 2: Yhs Kenjutsu Skill 3:
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Sun Aug 23, 2015 1:39 pm | |
| I feel so flattered ^^ If you will, I'd like to know what mistakes I made in sentence structure and grammar so I will learn from them. | |
| | | Kitteh
Berries : 2,500,000 Posts : 53
Skill Sheet Skill 1: wax wax no mi Skill 2: Skill 3:
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Mon Aug 24, 2015 11:16 am | |
| Crew: Tinker pirates Position: Super Nova Tier: 1rst tier Activity: laughing so hard I am on every day for almost every hour Why: The reasons are really simple. I am going to be a captain of a crew, I am a devil fruit user and I have a group of yolo pirates. The word yolo (You only live once) means we only live once and do all we can to in the meantime. I kitteh D. Beaver am a humble captain who gets things done. My friend Ransen first mate of my crew practices his sword techniques and my second is filled with shenanigans. So right now you are thinking, "Why are you fit for this position"? The answer is simple. Kitteh Knows how to lead this pirate sea to victory and to lead these pirates to what they need. Kitteh has been known to not kill, but he can certainly rob all the banks in the world at record time, and create killer dolls and mechanical or wax T-rex. In this sample you will see just why he fits for this position. Sample:"Well guys we have made it in town, so who wants ice cream!"
Kitteh was not about to get ice cream and they all knew it. The reason these men were so excited was that they were gonna rob another bank. After the bank though it could have been slightly debatable, as Kitteh absolutely was petrified from boredom. This routine of robbing banks had lasted seven full years so far. They as pirates had even been known for robbing other pirates. If someone was gonna get the loot in the end it was them. Kitteh could just hear the excitement going all around the people here."alright everyone settle down, I think we might find some marines, so be on the lookout".As kitteh walked into this town all they heard was whispers of "thats Tinker head kitteh" As he walked into the bank he could hear the fear from outside. Instead of staying together he said "guys you can wait outside I am going in myself". Kitteh walked in and as usual all he had to do was march politely to the end of the bank. The very first time he had to fight them all, but in the recent ones it seemed that the marines had learned better. Kitteh filled a bag he had with gold and walked out the door when he heard the sound "Captain come and get us"! Kaito ran outside slowly creating a cannon in his arm and when he finally got out he saw five marines. These Marines looked about twenty times the size of kitteh. In that moment kitteh heard from in front a man that said "Tinker head Kitteh, we have got you now, look around your crew is down and your surrounded" With this kitteh looked at the previously said crew members on the ground, and winked. At that moment Kitteh started shooting the cannonballs one at a time. The marines took giant hits, and it was not until the last one that it was caught. As their leader caught one of the wax balls and tried to drop it on the ground it softened around the leader’s skin and he yelped. "Get it off me, get it away from my body". But, after the last attempt to speak kitteh picked up a sword lying on the ground from an unconscious body and put it up to the man’s throat.[color=#ccffff]"tell your friends chump, how you let a pirate get into this bank and steal your money. As kitteh gathered his Pirates, they all had thoughts of ice cream donuts and entertainment sitting in their heads.
kitteh sat at the local tavern now laughing with his crew, None of them had died, and they had robbed a bank so an all around good day. Kitteh was on his first step to becoming the most creative pirate there ever was. He remembered on the first day he left his mother saying "son, do us proud and become a pirate for me". Kitteh could not see hi mom anymore, in time it had been two years since he had started his journey and one year from when she died. Kitteh never really liked to talk much about it, but in reality he had his crew and that was all he needed. As Kitteh got up he saw his crew was waiting for him to get back to his ship and sail away once again. Kitteh had a life ahead of him and this was it.
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| | | Succubus Blake
Position : Supernova Posts : 100
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Doku Doku no mi Skill 2: N/A Skill 3: N/A
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Mon Aug 24, 2015 10:53 pm | |
| Crew: The Cheshire HarlequinsPosition: SupernovaTier: Tier 1Activity: 2-8 hours a day Why: Blake is a rebel with a cause, so to speak. By going around, spreading fear and violence, she hopes to do only one thing. Start equality. Things have been unfair for too long, men and women a like have been looked down upon for reasons dredged up by the social quota, and Blake hopes that by burning down the people who uphold this social quota, she can bring equality to all. Also, being a survivor of the tragedy that struck her home, Twilight island, already proves that she is strong, both physically for coming out alive, and mentally for coming out mentally stable.Sample: - RP Sample: 853 words:
Blake stood at the base of the staircase before her. Nothing illuminating the world around her except for the moon light which beamed down from the sky, shinning on all the objects in her path. Hand placed elegantly on her hip, she lifted her black, heeled foot, and placed it on the first step. She had arrived, alone. Her crew was off on an excursion on their own, something they needed to do every now and again without her. If she went with them, she would do all the work, leaving them unable to improve their own abilities and capabilities. Weakening their abilities to help the cause, instead of stabilizing its efforts like Blake knew they intended.
As she climbed the stair case, her heeled clacked, echoing down the walls which had suddenly made their way towards her, framing the, and most likely serving as the purpose to prevent drunken fools from falling from the great height.
She had reached the top.
Reaching forward, Blake gripped the handle before her, the moonlight did not touch this area, making everything appear a dark shade of grey. Her face appeared muted, no emotion peaking out, yet, like the color white, appeared to hold every emotion. A dim light glowed from behind the door as she entered the building. It smelled... oddly pleasant. Alcohol tainted the bodies of most of the people who were there, mostly men. As Blake looked around, she began to see that she very well might be the only person their not sporting a flat chest and a curved crotch. Her black hair folded over her ear as she brushed it back from her face, proceeding to the bar.
Placing a few Beli on the table, Blake spoke no words. Sliding it over to the busy bartender, her stopped what he was doing, and turned around to fetch her a drink. Blake sighed. "I wish you wouldn't do that, old friend." She spoke, caring not for the angry, and unwelcoming stares geared her way from the five or six people who had been waiting for the bartender to finish their drinks. The bar tender merely smiled. He shook his head, and mouthed the words "It's alright," before returning to the other customers.
Letting out another sigh, Blake would cross her legs. The black coat almost hit the floor despite the height of the bar stool, its heart laced design and buttons lazily dangling with the coat.
"Fucking bitch," She over heard a man whisper, cracking his knucked. "Who does she think she is?" The man snarled like a gluttonous, wrathful pig. "We've been waiting for minutes and she just barges in? I auta give that whore a peace of my mind. What is she, banging the bartender?" The mans friends let out mighty laughs,
"Yo, Bartender, you banging that slut over there?" The bar tender looked at the floor, his round glasses sinking to the tip of his nose, his grey, balding head refusing to look at the man. He would have surly told the man it was an absolutely absurd comment, however, the man was unable to speak.
"Whats wrong?" The man asked. "Bitch got your tongue?" It was then the mans drink hit the floor. The bartender dropped it out of anger, "make me a new one." The man spoke, pulling out his sword, "Now."
Blake got up, eyeing the man, "That's enough." She spoke, chugging the glass back and taking a step closer to the buffoon before her. The man turned his head, glancing at her like a beast who had spotted his prey. "Listen here bitch, I don't know who you think you are," The man spoke, slurring his words. He was drunk, horribly intoxicated. "Dude, calm down."
Walking forward, she watched as the man charged. uninstigated, undeserving, however, what he had coming was deserved by him. Lifting her hand, she gripped the mans wrist, and socked him right in the gut. Liquid spewed form his mouth as Blake let go of him, watching as he hit the floor. Looking up, she saw three more men before her. Each one with a weapon drawn. "That was our captain you floozy, who do you think you a-"
Before the man could even finish speaking, Blake already had her knee in his chest. As he flew back, she drew her scissor blade, and deflected the attack form an in comming sword, then swinging it it back and slamming the butt of her sword into another mans crotch.
"That was a bad idea," Blake spoke, walking up towards one of the men who had attempted to slice through her like butter. The mans eyes widened as he saw the tattoo on her kneck, a black and purple stripped cat with a word etched into the side. Cheshire.
"Y-Your..." His mouth hit the floor, "A Supernova, Succubus Blake."
Lifting up her foot, she slammed it into the mans temple, knocking him out cold. The other three men laid groaning on the ground, "I believe I have caused enough trouble," Blake spoke, looking at the bartender. "I shall see you again, old friend."
| |
| | | Laplace
Posts : 56
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Tue Aug 25, 2015 10:58 pm | |
|
IN RESPONSE TO KITTEH
So, I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to respond to this. There are some grammar errors, nothing particularly inhibiting. Uhm... the story and accompanying factors aren't quite incomprehensible, though some movements are difficult to understand given the lack of detail. To be honest, it doesn't feel like on-par quality with the minimum expectancy for at least a Super Nova, but it's difficult to pinpoint what's wrong. There's nothing which stands out, it's all monotone and apathetic. It's as if I'm reading a summary of an event with a few bits of dialogue, and not an actual story or role play post. The last paragraph was totally unexpected as well, hardly fitting in to the rest of the post. I mean, it gives a bit of context I suppose, but the awkward placement alone--not to mention the irrelevance given the road the sample up to that point had gone down--was enough for me to question it's existence entirely. Unfortunately, I don't have much advice to put into this review given my difficult time evaluating it. All I can say is, do feel free to try again in three days, as this application has been denied.
IN RESPONSE TO BLAKE
Also not much to say here. It was a slow start and fairly uninteresting at the beginning. The sentence flow was also interrupted at a few points where I didn't quite understand what was going on. Fortunately, it only happened in the beginning, which didn't seem to hold much significance aside from mentioning an embellished setting and what her crew was preoccupied with. After that? It was great. Not sure what was going on in the first bit of the sample, but the subsequent half kept me reading, especially the dialogue that was in theme cliche, but specifically interesting and a bit more immersive. There was a bit more emotion conveyed that made the situation seem realer. I especially liked the smooth introduction of your character's position after the stereotypical "underestimation and quarrel with the main character", and the bit concerning her relationship with the bartender. I myself was interested in what was going on between the two, and came to feel disappointed and unfulfilled when it was never mentioned, longing for more. So, all in all, very good RP Sample, and from me, you get your first approval. The next staff member should eventually come over and pick it up. | |
| | | Azure Snow The Owner
Position : Marine Captain Berries : 135,000 Posts : 1075
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Heaven's Nodachi Skill 2: Gun Blade Style Skill 3:
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Wed Aug 26, 2015 11:08 pm | |
| Well then! I now grant you the Position of Super Nova! You gain +27 Levels & 147,000,000 Bounty. - Succubus Blake wrote:
- Crew: The Cheshire Harlequins
Position: Supernova Tier: Tier 1 Activity: 2-8 hours a day Why: Blake is a rebel with a cause, so to speak. By going around, spreading fear and violence, she hopes to do only one thing. Start equality. Things have been unfair for too long, men and women a like have been looked down upon for reasons dredged up by the social quota, and Blake hopes that by burning down the people who uphold this social quota, she can bring equality to all. Also, being a survivor of the tragedy that struck her home, Twilight island, already proves that she is strong, both physically for coming out alive, and mentally for coming out mentally stable.
Sample:
- RP Sample:
Blake stood at the base of the staircase before her. Nothing illuminating the world around her except for the moon light which beamed down from the sky, shinning on all the objects in her path. Hand placed elegantly on her hip, she lifted her black, heeled foot, and placed it on the first step. She had arrived, alone. Her crew was off on an excursion on their own, something they needed to do every now and again without her. If she went with them, she would do all the work, leaving them unable to improve their own abilities and capabilities. Weakening their abilities to help the cause, instead of stabilizing its efforts like Blake knew they intended.
As she climbed the stair case, her heeled clacked, echoing down the walls which had suddenly made their way towards her, framing the, and most likely serving as the purpose to prevent drunken fools from falling from the great height.
She had reached the top.
Reaching forward, Blake gripped the handle before her, the moonlight did not touch this area, making everything appear a dark shade of grey. Her face appeared muted, no emotion peaking out, yet, like the color white, appeared to hold every emotion. A dim light glowed from behind the door as she entered the building. It smelled... oddly pleasant. Alcohol tainted the bodies of most of the people who were there, mostly men. As Blake looked around, she began to see that she very well might be the only person their not sporting a flat chest and a curved crotch. Her black hair folded over her ear as she brushed it back from her face, proceeding to the bar.
Placing a few Beli on the table, Blake spoke no words. Sliding it over to the busy bartender, her stopped what he was doing, and turned around to fetch her a drink. Blake sighed. "I wish you wouldn't do that, old friend." She spoke, caring not for the angry, and unwelcoming stares geared her way from the five or six people who had been waiting for the bartender to finish their drinks. The bar tender merely smiled. He shook his head, and mouthed the words "It's alright," before returning to the other customers.
Letting out another sigh, Blake would cross her legs. The black coat almost hit the floor despite the height of the bar stool, its heart laced design and buttons lazily dangling with the coat.
"Fucking bitch," She over heard a man whisper, cracking his knucked. "Who does she think she is?" The man snarled like a gluttonous, wrathful pig. "We've been waiting for minutes and she just barges in? I auta give that whore a peace of my mind. What is she, banging the bartender?" The mans friends let out mighty laughs,
"Yo, Bartender, you banging that slut over there?" The bar tender looked at the floor, his round glasses sinking to the tip of his nose, his grey, balding head refusing to look at the man. He would have surly told the man it was an absolutely absurd comment, however, the man was unable to speak.
"Whats wrong?" The man asked. "Bitch got your tongue?" It was then the mans drink hit the floor. The bartender dropped it out of anger, "make me a new one." The man spoke, pulling out his sword, "Now."
Blake got up, eyeing the man, "That's enough." She spoke, chugging the glass back and taking a step closer to the buffoon before her. The man turned his head, glancing at her like a beast who had spotted his prey. "Listen here bitch, I don't know who you think you are," The man spoke, slurring his words. He was drunk, horribly intoxicated. "Dude, calm down."
Walking forward, she watched as the man charged. uninstigated, undeserving, however, what he had coming was deserved by him. Lifting her hand, she gripped the mans wrist, and socked him right in the gut. Liquid spewed form his mouth as Blake let go of him, watching as he hit the floor. Looking up, she saw three more men before her. Each one with a weapon drawn. "That was our captain you floozy, who do you think you a-"
Before the man could even finish speaking, Blake already had her knee in his chest. As he flew back, she drew her scissor blade, and deflected the attack form an in comming sword, then swinging it it back and slamming the butt of her sword into another mans crotch.
"That was a bad idea," Blake spoke, walking up towards one of the men who had attempted to slice through her like butter. The mans eyes widened as he saw the tattoo on her kneck, a black and purple stripped cat with a word etched into the side. Cheshire.
"Y-Your..." His mouth hit the floor, "A Supernova, Succubus Blake."
Lifting up her foot, she slammed it into the mans temple, knocking him out cold. The other three men laid groaning on the ground, "I believe I have caused enough trouble," Blake spoke, looking at the bartender. "I shall see you again, old friend."
| |
| | | Prankster First Generation
Position : - Berries : 0 Posts : 320
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Skill 2: Skill 3:
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Thu Aug 27, 2015 12:09 am | |
| Crew: cheshire harlequines Position: supernova Tier: Tier 1 Activity: I can be on for 2 to 5 hours a day Why: a supernova is a badass and im one world government and marine alike cant do nothing about it Crystal Dragons best watch they backs Sample: my skills im still working on them but my fruit ( bari baru no mi) has been approved and snow said we could do task without much skills as we can still kick and punch ect...
there has been reports of a man in clown clothing in Kirkuk town over in south blue since we already by the town and by we I mean me rear admiral pong shall go take a look if it is who I think it is its about damn time roger out... ( he hangs up the sailphone) sir Kirkuk town is within sight we should arrive shortlygood theres no way he'll be getting away from me this time full sails a head...Meanwhile in Kirkuk town a big brawl was taking place it appears a jester like man was causing trouble in a local restaurant..the jester drinks sake then throws the empty glass at the tall guy hitting him in the head angering him the tall guy gets mad then rushes the jester he lunches a punch seemingly hitting the jester in the face the man felled back shouting my hand my hand I broke my hand...the jester smiled a wicked smile ...try as you might try as you will by the end of the night the weakest will be killed saying that freak out most of the men it appears there was at least 10 of them 3 laid out unconscious while the other 6 ranned leaving the tall guy in fear has eyes has fear in them as the jester begin to walk towards him the man then said please please spare my life I don't wont to die the jester looks as he slowly walked past him he stopped behind him turned around then whisper in his left ear...I have no interest in playing with broking toys ive came looking for a fight instead I get boredom what a drag he gets up and look at the waiter...so how much I owe you for the meal the waiter looked around in fear as the restaurant was destroyed umm its on the housevery well and wise prankster said as he walked outside going down the road as the townsfolk watched him go into a small hut just around that time rear admiral pong arrived in town the rear admiral looked around wondering what had happened the townsfolk told him of what had happened and told him about a clown who caused it all...so it is him yeah ok men search high and low for him I want this whole damn city flipped upside down if need be then a young girl said or you could go into that snall house up the road that was the last place we all saw him go rear admiral pong looked then him and his team of 20 rookie marines followed him to the small house where prankster seemingly was waiting... for ten minutes pong told prankster to come out after said time he did make his way outside to face themso you finally showed yourself clown your coming with me a clown or a fool which would you rather be think long and hard on that one why you theres reports of a clown going around causing trouble I know its you your going down i have been causing trouble but I don't know nothing of this clown you speak of ENOUGH!!! pong shouted then he yell men take him out one chance is all he get ... 3 soldiers ran towards him but prankster quickly jumped back as the men ran up again prankster crossed his fingers knocking them back as the other men looked on 5 more was knocked back shocking pong...what the hell was that he must be a devil fruit user men don't engage him with melee fire the marine 12 in counting started shooting at prankster only for him to stand there then fall to his knees seeing this pong order his men to charge at prankster as soon as 6 of them came within meters of him they was knocked back unconscious this alerted pong so much he didn't realize his sailphone was ringing as he order the last of his men to attack prankster onevran up and tried to punch him but prankster balled up his fist to clash with the marines prankster smiled as he was knocked back seeing this pong did his dash stepkeep him busy im going to crush him one bye one the marine rookies got knocked out then pong roared as he ran towards prankster just as he was about to punch him he tripped over a rock rolling right in front of prankster as soon as he held his head up he saw prankster cross his arms he slightly smiledjust what are you and who is youim a barrier human and co captain of the harlequines pirates saying that he knocked pong back rear admiral pong was barely conscious as prankster heard the sailphone then picked it up and walked towards pong it ranged again prankster answered it and remain silence after a few moments he said send help the only joke here is a killer one | |
| | | Radley
Position : 2nd:Supernova Berries : 500,000 Posts : 75
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Grill Fist Skill 2: N/A Skill 3: N/A
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Thu Aug 27, 2015 7:36 pm | |
| Crew: Dream Eater Pirates Position: Supernova Tier: Tier 1 Activity: I’m usually online whenever my laptop is open. I generally keep the site open and check back periodically through the day. Only future issues might be around big exam weeks like Midterms and Finals week and a couple days where I go visit home or am visited from home. Why: Radley is a tough as nails guy that loves a good brawl and good food. He seeks to increase his power and strength so that he may one day become a legendary figure to the eyes of the world. He is a protector for what he believes, whether that be some personal policy or related to his crew, and will fight ( or cook) to protect those ideals. I feel that something that might be kind of eye-catching about Radley is his sheer strength and ruthlessness that he ends up projecting during a fight. With a devilish grin and lots of wicked punches, this is one rookie keep an eye on. Sample:- Sample: contains some cursing (Hope you enjoy!):
Inside the busy restaurant amongst the sounds of utensils clinking against plates and the kitchen doors opening and closing as waiters and waitresses flew in and out with armloads of plates. Radley Luxford, wearing a red shirt this day with a yellow hibiscus design, sat amongst the many patrons of the slightly more upscale restaurant. The blond brawler had found time to slip away from the crew to come to the restaurant. Since last he came through here one of the chefs that Radley had befriended had taken over the restaurant. So this visit allowed Radley to do two things: The first was to visit an old friend, the second was to partake in his passion for food and the consumption of food.
Radley had managed to get a table more towards the back of the restaurant. His old friend had just left the table after personally serving Radley and hearing Radley’s positive remarks about the first bite. Radley was left to his own as he continued with his meal. As he was about halfway through the dish, the doors to the restaurant burst open followed by a gunshot. Radley turned to look at the source of the noise. In the doorway stood seven people dressed various clothing, all with red streaks through their hair except the one boy -who seemed about seventeen- towards the front holding the smoking flintlock whose hair was completely red. Radley could see some markings of tattoos on some of them but was too far away to really make out what they were. Radley decided to turn his attention back to his food.
Behind him the red haired boy stepped forward, heavy boots upon the floor “This is now a private lunch.” The boy said. “ So If ya ain’t in the Red Top Pirates, get the fuck out!” He said pointing the gun towards the customers. “ An’ if ya thinkin a joinin so ya can still eat; you can all form a line outside and then fuck off!” He said firing a shot into the floor. The patrons of the restaurant scrambled and left the restaurant. Leaving the restaurant staff, the pirates, and Radley in his red shirt. The captain looked at the back of Radley then looked to his crew, then started to walk forward with the crew. The leader motions towards Radley and one of the crew, a big burley guy breaks from the group and walks over beside Radley.
Radley had about a quarter left of his food. The brutish man speaks up “ Oi, You deaf?” he said. “ Captain said to get lost.” The man says slamming his hand down on Radley’s table. Radley doesn’t make eye contact with the man. “ Ain’t finished yet. There’s room elsewhere.” He said. “We don’t give a shit of you’re done or not. Captain says to get the fuck out.” Radley took another bite of his food. “Ain’t my captain.” He said. The man’s hand swipes the table flinging the plate and food across the room, to crash on the ground. “ Listen you punk! Do you know who the hell we are?” The brute says. “I wasn’t done with that.” Radley said, his face growing darker, a very faint growl present in his voice. The captain walked up behind him. “ Well if you love it so much, how about you eat it off the floor like the disobedient dog you are? “ The captain said. “Yeah, eat it off the fl-“ The thug couldn’t get the “floor” out as Radley lashed out at the man with a hammer fist, catching the brute in the chest. The thugs chest visually bowed and an audible cracking sound could be heard before the large thug was launched back several feet.
“Orlin!” the captain yelled. “Wha-What the hell!?” The red-haired boy shrieked. Radley stood from his chair to his full six -foot one height. “ I gave you all the option to let all of us eat in peace.” He said cracking his knuckles as he slipped on his brass knuckles. The captain panicked and from his shaking hand fired a shot that only managed to graze Radley’s shoulder. Radley turned around shooting a menacing glare at the captain and the cowering crew. “ But then you had to go and provoke me by wasting food.” He said stepping towards the captain. “ Now you won’t even leave this town.” He said.
Looming in front of the captain, Radley knocked his fists together causing the bronze knuckles and his fists to ignite. His right fist turned black as he sheathed it with haki before he drove his flaming fist into the red haired captain’s chest knocking him through trough some of the members of his crew to wards the other side of the restaurant landing with a smoldering hole on his chest.
The crew members that hadn’t knocked down by their launched captain looked back at Radley in horror. “Wait…” one of them said as Radley began walking towards them. “ That face! Those weapons! That style of fighting! That strength!” He paused as his face grew even more grim looking. “Dear God. We just picked a fight with “Mad Fist” Radley!”
--- "... And that's why no one's ever heard of the Red Top Pirates." Radley said setting down his empty glass on the table surrounded by the rest of his crew. Radley held up a hand and motions to the barkeep for another drink. After taking receiving the new full glass, he took a swig before taking a breath. " Alright. Who's telling the next one?"
Also managed to come up with an epithet I like. Have a nice day! | |
| | | Azure Snow The Owner
Position : Marine Captain Berries : 135,000 Posts : 1075
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Heaven's Nodachi Skill 2: Gun Blade Style Skill 3:
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Thu Aug 27, 2015 8:52 pm | |
| I really liked how you did this. I also love scenes of Pubs, Taverns and Restaurants- So I did Enjoy it. I think you would be a grand Supernova. You have my approval. one more. - Radley wrote:
- Crew: Dream Eater Pirates
Position: Supernova Tier: Tier 1 Activity: I’m usually online whenever my laptop is open. I generally keep the site open and check back periodically through the day. Only future issues might be around big exam weeks like Midterms and Finals week and a couple days where I go visit home or am visited from home. Why: Radley is a tough as nails guy that loves a good brawl and good food. He seeks to increase his power and strength so that he may one day become a legendary figure to the eyes of the world. He is a protector for what he believes, whether that be some personal policy or related to his crew, and will fight ( or cook) to protect those ideals. I feel that something that might be kind of eye-catching about Radley is his sheer strength and ruthlessness that he ends up projecting during a fight. With a devilish grin and lots of wicked punches, this is one rookie keep an eye on.
Sample:
- Sample:
Inside the busy restaurant amongst the sounds of utensils clinking against plates and the kitchen doors opening and closing as waiters and waitresses flew in and out with armloads of plates. Radley Luxford, wearing a red shirt this day with a yellow hibiscus design, sat amongst the many patrons of the slightly more upscale restaurant. The blond brawler had found time to slip away from the crew to come to the restaurant. Since last he came through here one of the chefs that Radley had befriended had taken over the restaurant. So this visit allowed Radley to do two things: The first was to visit an old friend, the second was to partake in his passion for food and the consumption of food.
Radley had managed to get a table more towards the back of the restaurant. His old friend had just left the table after personally serving Radley and hearing Radley’s positive remarks about the first bite. Radley was left to his own as he continued with his meal. As he was about halfway through the dish, the doors to the restaurant burst open followed by a gunshot. Radley turned to look at the source of the noise. In the doorway stood seven people dressed various clothing, all with red streaks through their hair except the one boy -who seemed about seventeen- towards the front holding the smoking flintlock whose hair was completely red. Radley could see some markings of tattoos on some of them but was too far away to really make out what they were. Radley decided to turn his attention back to his food.
Behind him the red haired boy stepped forward, heavy boots upon the floor “This is now a private lunch.” The boy said. “ So If ya ain’t in the Red Top Pirates, get the fuck out!” He said pointing the gun towards the customers. “ An’ if ya thinkin a joinin so ya can still eat; you can all form a line outside and then fuck off!” He said firing a shot into the floor. The patrons of the restaurant scrambled and left the restaurant. Leaving the restaurant staff, the pirates, and Radley in his red shirt. The captain looked at the back of Radley then looked to his crew, then started to walk forward with the crew. The leader motions towards Radley and one of the crew, a big burley guy breaks from the group and walks over beside Radley.
Radley had about a quarter left of his food. The brutish man speaks up “ Oi, You deaf?” he said. “ Captain said to get lost.” The man says slamming his hand down on Radley’s table. Radley doesn’t make eye contact with the man. “ Ain’t finished yet. There’s room elsewhere.” He said. “We don’t give a shit of you’re done or not. Captain says to get the fuck out.” Radley took another bite of his food. “Ain’t my captain.” He said. The man’s hand swipes the table flinging the plate and food across the room, to crash on the ground. “ Listen you punk! Do you know who the hell we are?” The brute says. “I wasn’t done with that.” Radley said, his face growing darker, a very faint growl present in his voice. The captain walked up behind him. “ Well if you love it so much, how about you eat it off the floor like the disobedient dog you are? “ The captain said. “Yeah, eat it off the fl-“ The thug couldn’t get the “floor” out as Radley lashed out at the man with a hammer fist, catching the brute in the chest. The thugs chest visually bowed and an audible cracking sound could be heard before the large thug was launched back several feet.
“Orlin!” the captain yelled. “Wha-What the hell!?” The red-haired boy shrieked. Radley stood from his chair to his full six -foot one height. “ I gave you all the option to let all of us eat in peace.” He said cracking his knuckles as he slipped on his brass knuckles. The captain panicked and from his shaking hand fired a shot that only managed to graze Radley’s shoulder. Radley turned around shooting a menacing glare at the captain and the cowering crew. “ But then you had to go and provoke me by wasting food.” He said stepping towards the captain. “ Now you won’t even leave this town.” He said.
Looming in front of the captain, Radley knocked his fists together causing the bronze knuckles and his fists to ignite. His right fist turned black as he sheathed it with haki before he drove his flaming fist into the red haired captain’s chest knocking him through trough some of the members of his crew to wards the other side of the restaurant landing with a smoldering hole on his chest.
The crew members that hadn’t knocked down by their launched captain looked back at Radley in horror. “Wait…” one of them said as Radley began walking towards them. “ That face! Those weapons! That style of fighting! That strength!” He paused as his face grew even more grim looking. “Dear God. We just picked a fight with “Mad Fist” Radley!”
--- "... And that's why no one's ever heard of the Red Top Pirates." Radley said setting down his empty glass on the table surrounded by the rest of his crew. Radley held up a hand and motions to the barkeep for another drink. After taking receiving the new full glass, he took a swig before taking a breath. " Alright. Who's telling the next one?"
Also managed to come up with an epithet I like. Have a nice day! | |
| | | Azure Snow The Owner
Position : Marine Captain Berries : 135,000 Posts : 1075
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Heaven's Nodachi Skill 2: Gun Blade Style Skill 3:
| | | | Ser Random
Berries : 22,300,000 Posts : 233
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Skill 2: Skill 3:
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Fri Aug 28, 2015 3:33 pm | |
| Crew: N/A(Just call me the next Mihawk ;o) Position: Shichibukai, because why not? Tier: 1 Activity: I spend a lot of time here q.q Why: Because my pirate is going to be a bad ass and needs a title that matches his bad assery and I don't feel like being a warlord at the current point in time. Sample: - The Terror of T.:
It was just like any other typical day in Elron's life. The sun beat down upon the tiny ship at which he had once again stowaway on, stowing away was something often making an intrusion in his daily activities. Without a crew of his own he left all in his lonesome to just drift from island to island causing a ruckus. It didn't take long for him to get ran out of nearly half the islands in South Blue even though drifting had seemed like an eternity, especially when the gulls wouldn't stop squawking.
As the ship met a sand bar with a small thud Elron was jolted from his sleep, nearly falling out the crows nest. "We're here already?" he muttered to himself with a hand reaching up to fix his hair. Giving his naginata a swift toss it completed a multitude of spins before successfully lodging itself in the sand blade down. Quickly he stood with a stretch, arms headed towards the sky as if they were gonna rip the sun down before coming back and wiping a few beads of sweat on his brow. With another toss Elron flicked his own body over the ledge and before you knew it landed in the sand with a similar thud as the ship creating a small crater.
Pulling his prized weapon from the sand while giving a little two finger wave he began to make his way towards what he assumed was town. Never before in his life had he been to Karate Island, but he heard it was the home of the most extravagant martial artists. People of all types travel to this island in hopes of learning something new from one of the masters or maybe even showcasing their own prowess in one of many tournaments. The real question is would anyone be daring enough to challenge Elron himself or maybe he would just have to drum up some problems for himself.
All the thinking had made the trip to town such a short one, before he knew it Elron had found himself in the presence of the first dojo. According to the sign here the Sensei of this specific dojo was master of "Flying Monkey Style"...."Just what I needed to entertain myself a barrel of monkeys." Floor boards creaked with each foot step Elron took deeper into the training place, it was long before every members attention was focused on him.
He was greeted with a "And just might who you be, and what is your reason for intruding in my sanctuary without permission?"
Firmly planting the butt of his naginata on the ground "Who am I? You fools may refer to me as The Lazy Lion. I am here to take the masters head."
With his purpose being stated it didn't take long for an arrogant fool to come flying through the air foot first with intent to literally kick Elron from the dojo. A rookies mistake though with no problems Elron sidestepped the boy reaching out with his free hand, catching him by the throat. Dropping the body all you heard was a thud and some gargle noises, as the boy lay motionless on the ground. "Is that the best you can do?" Elron chuckled as the other pupils began to swarm him.
Swiftly he moved through the members with such elegance, after images and blood spurts filled the room. It was beautiful as if Elron were an artist; his naginata the brush spreading the blood as paint giving the building a new coat. This would be his masterpiece.
Very few people would be able to raze an island with such speed, succumbing only a few wounds. Dark black clouds began to crowd the skies above the island. Every dojo within sight was bursting with red hot flames, piles of bodies and pools of blood graced the ground as Elron splashed dashing around from person to person. Slicing the last person open he knew that marines would soon be swarming the island. People with intelligence had already began evacuating, because who would flee at the sight of a mad man chuckling while covered in their crimson blood.
Rows of boots left imprints in the sand as twenty of the finest marine soldiers touched down on the island. A voice shouted through a tiny den den mushi " You have one mission and one mission only, stop the maniac that is causing all this terror, and bring him to justice!." The mission had been confirmed by Hq. Marcus D. Valentine would be the Rear Admiral chosen to lead the strike team.
As time progressed and both forces met each other, the first event was a locking of the death stares.
"No wonder they sent so few Marines, what soldier would trust their lives to Mad Marcus?" Elron chuckled as he dodged oncoming slashes and bullets. The comments apparently had not phased the Admiral and were only met with a deep snort. Towering over all the other marines he easily made his way through them as if he were a ship crashing through waves. Blows were met one for another, a stalemate was forced between the two powers as the grunts just stood in awe. Not many people had ever watched a pirate go toe to toe with any Marine over Captain.
"It's such a pity yanno? I wasn't expected to be met with such talent, but that talent has been wasted on this day." By the time his sentence has ended his form changed.
The Rear Admiral was now just as shocked with awe as his remaining grunts. "This shall be my greatest deed on this day!" the words forced from the demons mouth with such a deep and violent tone. Before the Marine stood a massive red form with very distinct long black hair, in addition to horns coming from both the mouth and forehead. "You die here." A bright ball of lightning formed in Elrons hand as he raised it to the sky, bringing it down to strike the Rear Admiral. The blow could just not be fended off.
(Note this may not actually be "warlord accurate strength", but its a sample so I kinda went a lil wild and didn't want to get into 100% detail/reality with things.) | |
| | | Draco D. Killdread
Posts : 44
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Seinaru seinaru no Mi Skill 2: Rokushiki Skill 3: Bosushoki-Haki
| Subject: Holy fist DDS Fri Aug 28, 2015 5:51 pm | |
| Crew: The Legends Position: Super Nova Tier: 1 Activity: 3-5 hours depends Why: because all will know the name of holy DDS Sample: As i began to walk down the spiraling road of mt havoc,i started to hear fluttering."tch" shrugging off the near by threats. "Pop-pop"...."pop-pop" popping noises i thought to myself "hmm" rear admril Korks. red Im not here to chat Draco lets go.
He dashed towards me nearly knocking me of the mountain side..."panting pant-pant" catching my breath i lunged at him using my (Seinaru Seinaru fruit powers) catching the tip of his marine coat.Dammit he's fast.
Korks:"HEEEY" yelling Korks,up here ya dumbshit.
"BOOM-BOOM"as the sound of Korks 10mm canons exploded causing a landslide of boulders to come crashing down.As i jumped he threw a right straight at incredible speed causing me to twist at a tremendous speed towards the mountain side crashing against it."DAMMIT" i yelled,rushing the admril throwing a barrage of holy fire after dodging the fire Korks didnt see me as i hide behind a nearby boulder.shit i thought to myself,this asshole is to be messed with.
Korks:"Ooohh mister Draco where are you".....
DDS:Right here you oversized p-p-piig"!!
Korks began ignitiating protocal V (the destruction of mt havoc). Damn you Korks getting in close,and throwing several flame induced kicks stumbling the rea admril. Jumping back,as he start's to catch his balance,i started to hear loud battle cry's as 50 marines and another rear admril started getting closer and closer."This is bad" thinking to myself how im gonna get out of here."Bang- Bang- Bang" as the sound of flintlock pistols and rifles ringed across the mountain side.
Korks:Its over" we will capture you..then torture you....and finally you will meet your grave
DDS:And your the good guys?...dont make me laught i'll slaughter the lot of ya and be on my way.My crew is waiting for me and im afraid to to tell you i wont let them down.
Jumping,then throwing several knives at Korks catching him once in his right calf and twice in his upper right thighUsing the momentum from the jump i whipped out my holy fist technique hitting the rear admril sending him flying towards his peers.One marine started slashing at me with his cutless parrying it with a stone off the ground i then smashed it on his head.One after another i was attacked dodging almost every hit,ending up at a ledge behind everyone. Is this it....thinking of the crew i blacked out entering a baserk rage"..i..i...i will not DIE"!!!!! punching one marine,kicking the next sending him flying.I grabbed one marine throwing him off the ledge.Roundhouse,axe kick,elbow,fist,foot,one after another they cought my wrath.noticing i had made just enough space between me in them,i lept off the mountain side falling 50feet.As i was falling i again thought of the crew......just to be saved by them. As i looked up to see the captain holding me i pasted out...but she muttered to me
Captain:All is well Draco we'll handle the rest
Last edited by Draco D Killdread on Sat Aug 29, 2015 12:35 pm; edited 4 times in total | |
| | | Eden D. Scythe
Position : Supernova Posts : 202
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Ryū Hikō Skill 2: Sora Dōmō Skill 3:
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Sat Aug 29, 2015 12:11 pm | |
| To be put simply, I really liked this sample. It really shows off the character's personality, and though the story was a bit weak, it was still noticeably present. Just a couple of things really stood out. First, a couple times in the sample, you use 2 nd person POV and that is usually a big, big no-no in RP. The other thing I noticed was that in a few places, you switched tenses. While you only did so a few times throughout the whole thing, it's still a pretty big deal. Aside from those things, you had some grammatical errors but it wasn't so bad that it ruined my experience with reading. All in all, I say you have my approval for Shichibukai, though I feel that your bounty should be no more than 200,000,000 Beli, considering the errors I mentioned. I hope that what I've said will help you to become an even better writer from now on. You need one more approval. - Elron T. Ikari wrote:
- Crew: N/A(Just call me the next Mihawk ;o)
Position: Shichibukai, because why not? Tier: 1 Activity: I spend a lot of time here q.q Why: Because my pirate is going to be a bad ass and needs a title that matches his bad assery and I don't feel like being a warlord at the current point in time. Sample:
- The Terror of T.:
It was just like any other typical day in Elron's life. The sun beat down upon the tiny ship at which he had once again stowaway on, stowing away was something often making an intrusion in his daily activities. Without a crew of his own he left all in his lonesome to just drift from island to island causing a ruckus. It didn't take long for him to get ran out of nearly half the islands in South Blue even though drifting had seemed like an eternity, especially when the gulls wouldn't stop squawking.
As the ship met a sand bar with a small thud Elron was jolted from his sleep, nearly falling out the crows nest. "We're here already?" he muttered to himself with a hand reaching up to fix his hair. Giving his naginata a swift toss it completed a multitude of spins before successfully lodging itself in the sand blade down. Quickly he stood with a stretch, arms headed towards the sky as if they were gonna rip the sun down before coming back and wiping a few beads of sweat on his brow. With another toss Elron flicked his own body over the ledge and before you knew it landed in the sand with a similar thud as the ship creating a small crater.
Pulling his prized weapon from the sand while giving a little two finger wave he began to make his way towards what he assumed was town. Never before in his life had he been to Karate Island, but he heard it was the home of the most extravagant martial artists. People of all types travel to this island in hopes of learning something new from one of the masters or maybe even showcasing their own prowess in one of many tournaments. The real question is would anyone be daring enough to challenge Elron himself or maybe he would just have to drum up some problems for himself.
All the thinking had made the trip to town such a short one, before he knew it Elron had found himself in the presence of the first dojo. According to the sign here the Sensei of this specific dojo was master of "Flying Monkey Style"...."Just what I needed to entertain myself a barrel of monkeys." Floor boards creaked with each foot step Elron took deeper into the training place, it was long before every members attention was focused on him.
He was greeted with a "And just might who you be, and what is your reason for intruding in my sanctuary without permission?"
Firmly planting the butt of his naginata on the ground "Who am I? You fools may refer to me as The Lazy Lion. I am here to take the masters head."
With his purpose being stated it didn't take long for an arrogant fool to come flying through the air foot first with intent to literally kick Elron from the dojo. A rookies mistake though with no problems Elron sidestepped the boy reaching out with his free hand, catching him by the throat. Dropping the body all you heard was a thud and some gargle noises, as the boy lay motionless on the ground. "Is that the best you can do?" Elron chuckled as the other pupils began to swarm him.
Swiftly he moved through the members with such elegance, after images and blood spurts filled the room. It was beautiful as if Elron were an artist; his naginata the brush spreading the blood as paint giving the building a new coat. This would be his masterpiece.
Very few people would be able to raze an island with such speed, succumbing only a few wounds. Dark black clouds began to crowd the skies above the island. Every dojo within sight was bursting with red hot flames, piles of bodies and pools of blood graced the ground as Elron splashed dashing around from person to person. Slicing the last person open he knew that marines would soon be swarming the island. People with intelligence had already began evacuating, because who would flee at the sight of a mad man chuckling while covered in their crimson blood.
Rows of boots left imprints in the sand as twenty of the finest marine soldiers touched down on the island. A voice shouted through a tiny den den mushi " You have one mission and one mission only, stop the maniac that is causing all this terror, and bring him to justice!." The mission had been confirmed by Hq. Marcus D. Valentine would be the Rear Admiral chosen to lead the strike team.
As time progressed and both forces met each other, the first event was a locking of the death stares.
"No wonder they sent so few Marines, what soldier would trust their lives to Mad Marcus?" Elron chuckled as he dodged oncoming slashes and bullets. The comments apparently had not phased the Admiral and were only met with a deep snort. Towering over all the other marines he easily made his way through them as if he were a ship crashing through waves. Blows were met one for another, a stalemate was forced between the two powers as the grunts just stood in awe. Not many people had ever watched a pirate go toe to toe with any Marine over Captain.
"It's such a pity yanno? I wasn't expected to be met with such talent, but that talent has been wasted on this day." By the time his sentence has ended his form changed.
The Rear Admiral was now just as shocked with awe as his remaining grunts. "This shall be my greatest deed on this day!" the words forced from the demons mouth with such a deep and violent tone. Before the Marine stood a massive red form with very distinct long black hair, in addition to horns coming from both the mouth and forehead. "You die here." A bright ball of lightning formed in Elrons hand as he raised it to the sky, bringing it down to strike the Rear Admiral. The blow could just not be fended off.
(Note this may not actually be "warlord accurate strength", but its a sample so I kinda went a lil wild and didn't want to get into 100% detail/reality with things.) | |
| | | Eden D. Scythe
Position : Supernova Posts : 202
Skill Sheet Skill 1: Ryū Hikō Skill 2: Sora Dōmō Skill 3:
| Subject: Re: Pirate Positions Registration Sat Aug 29, 2015 12:20 pm | |
| Quite simply this gets my second approval. While you did use a bit too much dialogue in my opinion, you had a decent story going on and I enjoyed the use of your character's personality. Though from now on, I'd like to see more emphasis on your character's state of mind, rather than dialogue. While dialogue is important in some aspects, the most enjoyable thing to read is what is going on in the character's mind. What makes them really tick. Other than that, well done. - Azure D. Snow wrote:
- I really liked how you did this. I also love scenes of Pubs, Taverns and Restaurants- So I did Enjoy it. I think you would be a grand Supernova. You have my approval. one more.
- Radley wrote:
- Crew: Dream Eater Pirates
Position: Supernova Tier: Tier 1 Activity: I’m usually online whenever my laptop is open. I generally keep the site open and check back periodically through the day. Only future issues might be around big exam weeks like Midterms and Finals week and a couple days where I go visit home or am visited from home. Why: Radley is a tough as nails guy that loves a good brawl and good food. He seeks to increase his power and strength so that he may one day become a legendary figure to the eyes of the world. He is a protector for what he believes, whether that be some personal policy or related to his crew, and will fight ( or cook) to protect those ideals. I feel that something that might be kind of eye-catching about Radley is his sheer strength and ruthlessness that he ends up projecting during a fight. With a devilish grin and lots of wicked punches, this is one rookie keep an eye on.
Sample:
- Sample:
Inside the busy restaurant amongst the sounds of utensils clinking against plates and the kitchen doors opening and closing as waiters and waitresses flew in and out with armloads of plates. Radley Luxford, wearing a red shirt this day with a yellow hibiscus design, sat amongst the many patrons of the slightly more upscale restaurant. The blond brawler had found time to slip away from the crew to come to the restaurant. Since last he came through here one of the chefs that Radley had befriended had taken over the restaurant. So this visit allowed Radley to do two things: The first was to visit an old friend, the second was to partake in his passion for food and the consumption of food.
Radley had managed to get a table more towards the back of the restaurant. His old friend had just left the table after personally serving Radley and hearing Radley’s positive remarks about the first bite. Radley was left to his own as he continued with his meal. As he was about halfway through the dish, the doors to the restaurant burst open followed by a gunshot. Radley turned to look at the source of the noise. In the doorway stood seven people dressed various clothing, all with red streaks through their hair except the one boy -who seemed about seventeen- towards the front holding the smoking flintlock whose hair was completely red. Radley could see some markings of tattoos on some of them but was too far away to really make out what they were. Radley decided to turn his attention back to his food.
Behind him the red haired boy stepped forward, heavy boots upon the floor “This is now a private lunch.” The boy said. “ So If ya ain’t in the Red Top Pirates, get the fuck out!” He said pointing the gun towards the customers. “ An’ if ya thinkin a joinin so ya can still eat; you can all form a line outside and then fuck off!” He said firing a shot into the floor. The patrons of the restaurant scrambled and left the restaurant. Leaving the restaurant staff, the pirates, and Radley in his red shirt. The captain looked at the back of Radley then looked to his crew, then started to walk forward with the crew. The leader motions towards Radley and one of the crew, a big burley guy breaks from the group and walks over beside Radley.
Radley had about a quarter left of his food. The brutish man speaks up “ Oi, You deaf?” he said. “ Captain said to get lost.” The man says slamming his hand down on Radley’s table. Radley doesn’t make eye contact with the man. “ Ain’t finished yet. There’s room elsewhere.” He said. “We don’t give a shit of you’re done or not. Captain says to get the fuck out.” Radley took another bite of his food. “Ain’t my captain.” He said. The man’s hand swipes the table flinging the plate and food across the room, to crash on the ground. “ Listen you punk! Do you know who the hell we are?” The brute says. “I wasn’t done with that.” Radley said, his face growing darker, a very faint growl present in his voice. The captain walked up behind him. “ Well if you love it so much, how about you eat it off the floor like the disobedient dog you are? “ The captain said. “Yeah, eat it off the fl-“ The thug couldn’t get the “floor” out as Radley lashed out at the man with a hammer fist, catching the brute in the chest. The thugs chest visually bowed and an audible cracking sound could be heard before the large thug was launched back several feet.
“Orlin!” the captain yelled. “Wha-What the hell!?” The red-haired boy shrieked. Radley stood from his chair to his full six -foot one height. “ I gave you all the option to let all of us eat in peace.” He said cracking his knuckles as he slipped on his brass knuckles. The captain panicked and from his shaking hand fired a shot that only managed to graze Radley’s shoulder. Radley turned around shooting a menacing glare at the captain and the cowering crew. “ But then you had to go and provoke me by wasting food.” He said stepping towards the captain. “ Now you won’t even leave this town.” He said.
Looming in front of the captain, Radley knocked his fists together causing the bronze knuckles and his fists to ignite. His right fist turned black as he sheathed it with haki before he drove his flaming fist into the red haired captain’s chest knocking him through trough some of the members of his crew to wards the other side of the restaurant landing with a smoldering hole on his chest.
The crew members that hadn’t knocked down by their launched captain looked back at Radley in horror. “Wait…” one of them said as Radley began walking towards them. “ That face! Those weapons! That style of fighting! That strength!” He paused as his face grew even more grim looking. “Dear God. We just picked a fight with “Mad Fist” Radley!”
--- "... And that's why no one's ever heard of the Red Top Pirates." Radley said setting down his empty glass on the table surrounded by the rest of his crew. Radley held up a hand and motions to the barkeep for another drink. After taking receiving the new full glass, he took a swig before taking a breath. " Alright. Who's telling the next one?"
Also managed to come up with an epithet I like. Have a nice day! | |
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